It was about 4am, that time when the desperation at not being able to sleep slowly dissipates and becomes acceptance of the inevitability of another day of somnambulism at the office.
There are degrees of insomnia but these can ever be fully appreciated until one has tracked up and down the spectrum a couple of times without any personal choice in the matter.
Simply put, insomnia is the inability to actually switch the mind off and drift in dreamland. One can shut one’s eyes and pretend but that is just going to make matters worse and antagonise the normally peaceful and law abiding self.
As for counting sheep it’s a question of how many sheep there are potentially in the universe multiplied by 10 to the power of whatever…
Sharing the drama and burden with friends is a precipitous slope into being identified as either a victim or a martyr and risking being deleted from the guest list or even being banished to the basement office.
Some people read, some sit drinking tea and watching TV while others meditate and some still drink themselves to sleep but only achieve a light sleep without REM and wake up worse than if they had not slept at all.
Sleeping tablets are an ever present possible solution but are addictive and set a routine that doesn’t always enjoy being altered for things like late parties, movies or romantic dinners to say nothing of working on a last minute deadline.
When a friend asked me recently whether my insomnia was fixed I had to say that it wasn’t and when she said why don’t I talk about it I had to admit that I could not risk losing more friends to my catatonia.
These days I write and write and then write some more. Some good but mostly just a method of passing the time and watching the horizon slowly lighten up.