Spiralling virally

3472869329_d1448134e7_zAs I stood staring into space the idea that I could have an impact on the way the world was moving and where it was heading towards slowly took shape in my mind.

Nothing is ever set in granite and the choices and decisions that we make at each step of our mostly perilous way through the chaos can be altered or even changed the only drawback is that we have lost time by making the incorrect one first.

Losing time wouldn’t be a problem if the world wasn’t moving onwards inexorably and that time, a manmade construct if ever there was one, was not drawing towards a close.

This idea was fleeting and I tried to grab onto and hold it against the decaying fracturing of the immediate moment but I was on a hiding to nothing as they say in the gambling fraternity.

The more I tried the more it cracked and ruptured ending up in sand that slowly seeped through my fingers. The more I clenched my fist the faster it seeped through the cracks and dissipated in the wind.

My mind which a moment or so previously had been so focused on this brilliant idea had now itself in turn started fracturing and fraying around the edges as it too struggled to hold onto this vain and amorphous idea that I thought was mine.

Looking around I spied a mirror in which my reflection was that of an insane person with wild eyes and a grimy grimace through which some teeth showed that were clenched together and grating uncontrollably.

Looking upon this visage I registered in some impartial and objective application of my mental system that this was indeed me but the emotional and creative side of me vehemently denied this and tried to override my rational calculating side which strove to shut down this mad and obsessive grip that I had both physically and mentally upon this strange idea that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

The battle waging within was a terrible one and terrific was the clash of wills between the emotional and objective sides of my very being. I was unaware that during this entire episode I had continued writing, leaving a trail of clues and evidence to my internal chaos and destructive turbulence.

It was only later, much later in the early hours of the morning that I discovered this on the screen and decided to delete it but it had already been mailed to all the members of my directory.


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